


Food Poisoning and Laughter

by ElReyCiervo



Series: Yulmallen AU Drabbles [5]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: (just a little bit of crack), Alma is Savage, Alma lives, Canon-Typical Violence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Food, Kanda Smiles, Language, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Alma Karma, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamory, Rest in Pieces, Yulmallen, Yulmallen AU, like no filter and no holding back omfg, temporarily sick character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 21:39:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8302096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElReyCiervo/pseuds/ElReyCiervo
Summary: Drabble #5) Laughter makes breathing easier, and Allen and Kanda suffer from food poisoning (again).





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man  
> Warning: language, and mentions of being sick

“No.”

“Aww, c’mon, Yuu!”

“Not going to happen.”

“Al, back me up here!”

“Nope, sorry, love.”

“I promise that it’ll be good!”

“That’s what you said last time and then we got food poisoning,” came the harmonious shut down from Allen and Kanda. Even the quick regenerative powers of a Second Exorcist and the slightly slower healing powers of Noah genes couldn’t have saved Kanda and Allen from spending a good amount of time in the hospital ward. Kanda had spent two days scowling in there as his stomach tried to practically destroy itself, while Allen suffered next to him nearly keeling over from dehydration due to getting sick so many times.

Poor bastard had been in there for two days longer than Kanda. That had been one of the few times where Kanda had true, genuine pity for his white-haired lover. 

Currently, the three of them were sitting in a circle in the floor of Alma’s room, relaxing from the tedium of reports that they had to get done by the end of the day. Alma had wanted to show them something, but the grin on their face and glean in their eyes made Kanda particularly wary. Allen had shrugged and smiled, saying of course he would love to see what Alma had done or made _because he was a damn enabler like that_. Then again, Kanda was not really all that much better, which is why he was here in the situation he was now.

Trying not to get food poisoning a second time.

“I worked really hard on this,” Alma pouted, holding up the dish of…Kanda was not sure what kind of food— _Can that even be called food?_ —was in their hands. “I asked Jerry a lot of advice beforehand, so I’m ninety-eight percent sure it’s edible!” From the corner of his eye, he could see Allen lean back and mouth, _“‘Ninety-eight percent sure,’”_ as horror leeched color from his already pale face.

As he took a closer look, he could somewhat make out what looked to be a lumpy bread…thing among some kind of sauce (or was that cream?). There were pieces of what he guessed were colorful fruit plopped amongst the sauce…but that was the only part of the dish that looked edible. There was something coming out of the bread that looked off-color and bumpy, and Kanda prayed that Alma had not put anything expired in there. _Well_ , he thought _, at least it doesn’t **smell** deadly like the last time_.” One mark of improvement, if there ever was one—and damned if that didn’t make him feel proud of Alma. The other Second was always in the kitchen at least once a week (when possible), learning what they could from Jerry.

That still did not make what Alma cooked edible a majority of the time, but Kanda wasn’t going to be a dick and say that out loud.

Next to him, Allen gave a strained grin as he reached over and patted Alma’s knee. “I fully believe you,” _The most blatant lie I’ve ever heard him say through his teeth other than ‘I’m fine’,_ “when you say that it’s probably edible. But…” he trailed off.

Alma gave him a flat look. “You think you’re still going to get sick from it.”

Leaning back, Allen flapped a hand in front of his face in a dismissive manner, still trying to give a reassuring smile. “No, no! That’s not that at all! We just,” he took a second to figure out what he was going to say, “think that you should…should practice a little more, is all.”

Kanda shrugged, tipping his head in Allen’s direction. That was a safe answer, right? Right.

Apparently that’s not what Alma wanted to hear as they scrunched up their eyebrows and pouted. They stood up, one hand on their hip with the other holding the plate of ‘food’.  Leaning forward as they bent slightly over the waist, they turned their attention more on Allen than Kanda. While Kanda did feel slightly guilty that his lover was pinned under the focus, and perhaps upcoming wrath, of Alma, he in no way wanted to be in Allen’s shoes. A hyper-focused, determined Alma was not a good Alma to be on the other side of.

“I worked very hard on this, _Allen-dear_ ,” that tone meant nothing positive was to come, “so I _expect_ you to at least try this.” Alma was an average sized person, but the aura they were radiating seemed to engulf the entire room (like when Timcanpy swelled to ridiculous sizes).

Still sitting on the floor, Kanda made sure he shuffled away from what was going to happen. He edged himself closer to Alma’s bed, making himself a lesser seen target. Now, he was in no way a coward or someone who was quick to scare, but dammit did he have common sense. _Unlike the Usagi, I know when to leave people the hell alone_ , he thought as he watched Alma inch closer to Allen. _I’m not gonna be poisoned by that damn food today._

Sensing the incoming doom, Allen was quick to his feet. “Alma, love, dear-heart,” he tried buttering up their lover, “I love you with all my being, but I do not want another trip to the infirmary if I can help it.”

Alma whipped out a spoon— _Where in the hell did he get that from???_ —as they launched theirself at Allen! “Eat it, Allen!”

Allen rolled to the side out of Alma’s trajectory. “Not going to happen!”

“I made this out of love, dammit!”

“I know, but I don’t want to get sick!”

It was if he was watching one of Komui’s films take place: the chaos and energy as his two lovers ducked, weaved, and attempted to grab one another. Somehow Alma was keeping balance of the dish in their hand as they rolled and dived toward Allen, while Allen used his impeccable flexibility to weave and bend out of the way. There were some points where Kanda was surprised that Allen could contort himself in such a way, but then he reminded himself that this was _Allen_ he was talking about. A spoonful of food was stabbed in the area of Allen’s face, but he back flipped away, nearly hitting the wall. Shouts of indignant frustration ripped from Alma’s mouth as they missed Allen again—the white haired man didn’t make it any better by switching his hips from side to side as he stuck out his tongue and pulled a lower eyelid down.

“Bleeeh!”

The growl that came from Alma could be liked to a pissed off tiger. “One way or another, I’m going to shove this down your throat.” Kanda couldn’t hold back a slight shiver when Alma bared their teeth in an unholy smile. “You can’t run away!” And so the dodging and charging began again.

In his haste to get away from Alma and their food of death, he tripped over a corner of the carpet and landed on his back. Alma was quick to straddle his waist (it would have been hot if not for Alma trying to shove poison down Allen’s throat.). “Eat. It.”

Allen kept moving his head so that Alma couldn’t access his mouth. “Not.” He tucked his head to his chest. “Going to.” Some cream smeared on his cheek on top of his scar. “Eat it!” He headbutted Alma’s hand away from his face, prompting the two of them to practically wrestle one another on the floor.

As he was watching the two of them grapple at each other, a bubbly feeling arose from his chest and spread throughout his body. Before he could stop it, laughter escaped his lips, escalating to the point where he was hunched over, arms wrapped around his middle. “Y-you two are fucking _r-ridiculous_!” Tears sprang from the corners of his closed eyes but he was much too busy trying (and failing) to regulate his breathing to wipe them away. He regretted cracking an eye open to look at his lovers, because that only sent him spiraling into a new wave of laughter because _their faces are so stupid-looking_. Both of them were bug-eyed, mouths gaping even in the silly positions they had each other in: Alma on top of Allen, knees pinning his legs, arm cocked back with spoon in hand, and another hand tangled in white hair. Allen had a hand shoving Alma’s chin away, legs struggling to shake the chestnut-haired bundle of energy away, and other hand gripping at Alma’s arm. Kanda tilted over, effort of trying to calm himself down long having left him.

God, when was the last time he felt this happy? This light?

Laying here on the floor, arms wrapped around himself…it somehow felt easier to breath. For that brief moment, the world and its evil and hatred and deprecation wasn’t pressing down on his chest.

He was able to collect himself after some time, still laying on the ground as he wiped the tears from his eyes. For once, he wasn’t embarrassed that Allen and Alma were looking at him so unraveled and unhinged, and the fond expressions on their faces made him feel even better. Life, even for this short time, was good…

…Well, it _had been_ good until Alma took the chance to shove a spoonful of food down his and Allen’s lax mouths.

Surprisingly, after choking, the food actually tasted delicious. However, that did not help either man is they lay curled up in cots in the infirmary several hours later.

It turned out that Alma had cross contaminated some of the ingredients while they were making the food earlier, which led to both him and Allen getting salmonella poisoning. The Head Nurse, as she shook her head at them and gave Alma a light glare, said the two of them were lucky the poisoning hadn’t been worse as salmonella was nothing to joke about.

Kanda agreed with her, all healed the next day, as he held back Allen’s hair and wiped his fevered, sweaty forehead  as he violently retched into the toilet.

“I regret b-being such a— _hurk_ —good boyfriend,” Allen gagged as he leaned against Kanda.

“Same.”

“I’m sorry!” came Alma’s worried shout from behind the closed bathroom door. “I love you—I’m so sorry!”

“I know— _hack_ —I know, love.”

The food poisoning was worth it (for the most part).

* * *

Published: 10/16/16

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I thought I ought to write something happy and nice after the last two installments of aaaaaangst. 
> 
> A/N 2: Anyway, thanks to LorellaMoon for reviewing last installment! :D


End file.
